We're Just A Couple Atoms
by kittymchale
Summary: Sometimes we need to let go and let the music take us away. GENDERSWAP TARTIE FIC -  Trevor Cohen Chang and Abbey Abrams
1. Simple Math

**A/N: Hello, guys. So, first of all, this is a Tartie genderswap fic, starring Trevor Cohen-Chang and Abbey Abrams (hohoho so creative). This first chapter is kind of short, and with Gabby's constant nagging (trololo kidding I LOVE YOU), I might be able to finish this. I hope so. I just kind of like the concept and I might be posting some art for this on kittymchale le dot tumblr le dot com wee!**

**and without further ado: Chapter 1.**

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><p><em><span>Chapter 1: Simple Math<span>_

"Trevor!"

I popped a pale headphone out of my ear, turning to look at the increasingly smaller looking girl wheeled quickly toward me. The music was still blaring in one of my ears, head bobbing to the beat. Abbey's intimidated eyes flickered up at me, the cover page of our chemistry project pinned to the front of the stack of books on her lap. Her fingers reached up to self-consciously adjust the bow on the top of her head, fidgeting nervously. I arched an eyebrow down at her, "Hi."

Abbey twisted her glossed lips to the side, fingers gracing the cover page, "Hi. I didn't know when you wanted to work on this project, but we need to get it done relatively soon. We've got a lot of work to do and we have to get a good grade on this. I really need to keep my grade up in Chemistry and-"

"I'll come by tonight. We'll work on it then," I stated, cutting off Abbey's ramble. I shot her a look, keeping my face cool. My hands were at work, cracking the lock on the ugly, rusty, yellow locker in front of me. Some of the paint chipped as I yanked on the door, a long squeak omitting from the hinges. Abbey's eyes were eager and excited, squirming in her seat. Pushing the thick frames of her glasses up the bridge of her tiny nose, Abbey nodded in agreement. She opened her mouth to speak, letting out a tiny squeaking sound and placing her hands back down on the wheels. I heard her grunt a little before she got herself turned around, pausing for a second to nurse her sore arms. Shrugging my backpack up on one shoulder, I fixed my shirt and stepped forward, "Wait, Abbs, where are you going?"

"Um," She let out a bit of a nervous chuckle, looking up at me, "AP History." Adjusting her books on her lap, she took her hands from her wheels and looked back forward as I pushed her. In an odd, kind of screwed up way, I never really felt bad for Abbey. I never really noticed a problem in the first place. People had a hard time seeing past the block of her being in a wheelchair, but Abbey had the personality that walked right out of the chair, leaving it behind her and flying away. The only time I really noticed it was when her arms got sore, my hands on the faded handlebars as I pushed her to class.

I stared at myself in the mirror, silver nose ring glinting in the dim light of my room. The light was radiating from the small lamp on my desk, the faded oak covered in crumpled papers filled with song ideas, poorly written blank verse and scribbled drawings. The rest of the room was plastered in band posters and cheesy pictures of everyone. A few notes from Abbey were hidden between the posters, my favorite being one about moving to New York City and going around to see the sights. We always joked about how horrible it was here in Lima and as soon as high school was over, we were out of here. As much as we say that, we both know we'll still miss it here.

"_I'm going to take you to Port Jefferson one day and Oceanside Jones beach and bay side during the winter and to the fair at the amphitheater and show you everything and it'll all be worth it."_

Abbey and I were at a weird state of friendship. We never saw each other outside of school, but we had a type of connection where we kind of looked after each other during school. She benefited the most out of this deal, not being able to see over anything. Abbey already was forced to stay in a wheelchair, even at a lesser advantage with being the smallest human being I've ever seen. She would peer at me angrily over the thick frames of her glasses when I would make jokes about wrapping her up and shoving her inside a suitcase.

Anyway, this was the first real time I was going to see Abbey's house, and I wasn't going to lie and say I wasn't nervous. I really was. Shoving my headphones into my ears, I cranked up the volume and let the melodies take me away. It was kind of a surprise I've never hung out with Abbey before now, being that I lived only about a block away from her. I saw her leave for school every day and come back later than me in the afternoon. I never knew what she did after school, but I assumed it was some kind of business with her brain. Abbey was hands-down the smartest chick I knew. In most aspects, I was jealous of her. Especially in Glee club.

Abbey had a voice that could bring any man to their knees. I mean, I could sing, but I didn't have pipes like her. Abbey could hit every note perfectly, an edge to it that was kind of squeaky, but in a nice way. I could describe it as much as I wanted, but it would never be as great as hearing her. I never understood why Ms. Schue never let her sing. It does and always will drive me insane. She's got the best voice out of all of us but all of the solos go to Blaire and Ray and it makes me want to punch a freaking wall.

We should call it "Blaire and Ray Club".

Back to the point.

Basically, I'm a nervous wreck. I sat down on the unmade bed, still following my darting eyes in the mirror. I ran a hand through my hair, flattening out the bold, red streak that contrasted so greatly against the messy, dark base. A deep breath filled me to the brim until I let it out in small waves, deflating myself like a popped balloon. Taking one more reassuring breath, I stood back up, flattened my shirt and walked out as confidently as possible.

This, however, wasn't effective when I whimpered that I couldn't do it and strode back into the dark room. I guess I just needed a few more breaths. I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone buzzed noisily on the edge of my desk, front screen lighting up. Abbey.

"_Don't forget your chemistry book! :)"_

I sighed, tucking the heavy book under my arm and walked out, feet shaking under me. The walk seemed to take only a few strides, ending up quickly on Abbey's doorstep. My finger found the doorbell, the cold December air nipping at my skin. I could feel her wheels squeaking on the hardwood floor before she even got to the door, tiny fingers wrapping around the doorknob. The slowly opening door revealed Abbey, the grin on her face wide enough to span the town of Lima itself. She radiated happiness, face glowing.

"Hi, Trevor!" She reached her arms up toward me, flicking her wrists to ask for a hug. I leaned down, wrapping my arms tight around her and breathing her in. She smelled just as delicate as she looked, fixing the ruffles on her shirt after we pulled away. Pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose, she took my chemistry book from me and started rolling over the small ramp to her room. I swiftly followed after her, socked feet gliding across the smooth floors. Abbey's mom smiled a little at me, waving. I waved back nervously, reaching Abbey's room. She opened the door, revealing a simple room with equally simple walls. It was spacious and plain, walls pale white and simple hardwood floors. Her desk contained a bright white computer, a few bottles of nail polish and a small makeup box in front of a mirror. The mirror was decorated with a few pictures and butterfly stickers, a few bright lights hanging from the top. A skinny, white cat lifted her head from the small bed in the corner, next to a tiny TV. I glanced around the room again, not surprised by anything I saw. It screamed "Abbey," down to the mint green bedspread. She shifted herself effortlessly to sit on the bed, offering me a beanbag chair.

"Nice room," I remarked, smirking at her and plopping down on the beanbag chair. I sunk down in the center, adjusting my position. Abbey smiled nervously, folding her hands in her lap. She suddenly sat up, reaching for her backpack.

"Thanks. We should- umm- get going," Abbey dug through the bag, finding her Chemistry folder and the project binder we started constructing. I looked around the room some more as she unpacked everything, setting everything out neatly on the bed, "We've got to create a table of contents, finish doing pages 4-17, print pictures and-," Abbey's eyes furrowed, stress consuming her already.

"Abbs? Do you have any kind of speakers?" I held up my iPod toward her, her eyes widening a little. She looked back down, confused by my random request. She pointed anyway, nodding slowly. I scraped myself up from the seat, hooking the iPod up and scrolling through the songs, "Y'know, Abbey, we've got 3 weeks to do this still and we're already halfway done. We've had the project for 4 days. You have to give yourself a break." I kept scrolling, trying to find the exact song, "I understand that you really want to get good grades, but obsessing isn't going to make you happy at all. You need to enjoy the little things in life. Like Manchester Orchestra." I started the song, moving to sit next to her on the bed. The slow melody consumed the room, Abbey's eyes still fixed on me.

"It's just-... Hard. I want to be successful," She sighed, flopping back on the bed. I mimicked her movement.

"I know you do, Abbs, but sometimes you need to let go. Let the music take control. Sometimes that's all you need."

Abbey sighed, staring up at the ceiling and pricking her ears toward the music. For the first time in a long time, I saw her muscles relax, letting herself go.

_Simple math, it's how our bodies even got here_

Her eyes glistened, watching the motionless ceiling.

_Sinful math, the ebb and flow to multiply._

She flopped her head toward me, nodding.

_What if I was wrong and no one cared to mention? What if it was true and all we thought was right was wrong?_

"You're right," She whispered, eyes still fixed on me, "Thank you."

_Simple math, the truth can't be fractioned either way..._


	2. She's Shining On Me

**A/N: hello there. this is kind of just... crying and whining. I'M SORRY **

Chapter 2: She's Shining On Me

Abbey and I were so taken away by the music we had been listening to that we didn't realize about 2 hours were wasted out of our night. Another hour was wasted after that before we realized we weren't wasting time at all. The gentle light seemed to swirl around the room, the world spinning around the two of us, yet we were staying static. Time was stopped, but only for us. It aparrently wasn't for Abbey's dad, either.

"Boys, out," He threw a thumb over his shoulder, squinting at me. Abbey sat up in protest, shooting a wide-eyed stare at her grizzly father. He didn't seem to show any sympathy as he took a stride forward. I scrambled off of Abbey's now slightly ruined bed, scooping my chemistry book back up and waving a little at Abbey. She frowned, sticking her bottom lip out as I walked out of the bedroom door. I had to kind of push past her father, starting my walk back home.

I got well enough away from Abbey's house, shifting to lay down in the small park past a culdesac near both of our houses. I heaved a long, chesty sigh and looked up at the vast darkness shielding all of us. It made me feel like we were in on a huge secret that the lands outside of the Earth didn't know. It reminded me of how infinitely small we were.

Life gets far more different when you realize how small you are. From a few feet, no one can see your face. From a few more, no one knows your name. From a few more yet, you don't exist all together. The earth won't remember us or recognize our twisted minds and contorted faces a few years from now.

The air will swallow our jokes, keeping our words in a vacuum like they belonged there. Once said, the same exact syllables with the same exact diction and the same exact shape and color and size will never be spoken again. Age will steal the words the air dumps out of it's vacuum, the ones that wormed themselves into our bodies.

Death is the ultimate thief, isn't it? It'll take everything anything has to offer, burning our records of even being here. We're stuck in the holees we dug for ourselves, buried in everything we've done. Something will swallow me whole eventually, my shovel barely making a dent.

Maybe I'm here for Abbey. Have you ever heard that Chinese myth that everyone is connected by a red string and that it can never break, no matter how tangled or mixed up it gets? Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe that red string is tied around my finger permanently, always there to remind me of the girl I'm connected to. Abbey Abrams. She would think I'm insane if she heard me talking about this, but I can't deny how I feel about her. It's like she's pulling on my heart the way the tides change, the war between the moon and the sun. It's kind of odd, being our reputations, but I guess we can't help those things, can we?

I need to protect her, no matter what. I don't care what I have to do, but whenever I see Santiago and Quenton worm their way up to her, mentioning something about her inability to catch a guy and no matter what, she'll never get them. I think it's just a confession of their secret attraction to her. I don't blame them.

She's beautiful.

The grass was warm and wet, soaking the back of my shirt and the soles of my shoes. The stars made their way across the sky, winking at me from wherever they were. The funny thing about stars is that the light is so old, half of those stars could be dead and no one would even know. The light is still making it's way to us.

What if that was the way people worked? We die as soon as we are born and we are just pouring our light on to the Earth?

I'm 90% sure that that was the cause of my headache, but it didn't matter because I was all ready to go home.

Scraping myself up from the grass, I was caught by the girl I was mentally blabbing on about in my head, her eyes as wide as the wheels on her sides. The moon bounced off something metallic in her lap, coat wrapped tight around her.

"You... uh, forgot your iPod," She held it up in her little fingers, offering it to me. I took it slowly from her, smiling a little. She blinked up at the sky, flicking her eyes back to me.

"Thanks, Abbs. Did your dad yell at you for leaving? And how the hell did you find me anyway?" She smirked a little, quickly hiding it as she dropped her head and looked down at her lap. A piece of hair fell out of the neat bow she kept on the back of her head, dangling in her face.

"I can see you from my house," She giggled a tiny bit, "You think you're going super far away but I can always see you. It was my mom that called the cops on you that one time. She thought you were hurt." Abbey bit her lip, trying to contain the laughter rising in her throat.

Was this the sign that I needed? The symbol telling me to take charge and wrap an arm around her waist, spinning us in a seemingly endless fashion, kissing until the sun came up?

Aparrently not. Trevor Cohen-Chang is a wimp.

"That's embarrassing. I hope you don't think I'm some kind of creepy stalker or anything," I glanced down at her hands, noticing a thin, bright red, stringy bracelet hanging off of her wrist. Swallowing a little, I twiddled my thumbs a bit.

"No, I don't. It's nice that you have a place to get away. I don't, that's for sure," She looked back up at the vast collection of stars pouring down on us. This is the part in romantic comedies where it's supposed to start raining, and we both get so wet that we need to go back to someone's house and change. After that, someone reveals too much, we're overcome by sexual frustration and we kiss each other's faces off.

It didn't start raining.

"That's good. I didn't want you to think I am constantly thinking about you or anything," I let out an awkward breath, "Um, I gotta go home." I breathed the words out hastily, picking the book back off the ground.

"Alright," Abbey frowned, "Just watch out for my neighbor's dog. He's mean," She started back away from the park, but I didn't stick around long enough to see it. I was out of there.

_Simple Math _was on repeat for the next few days, the words searing themselves into the back of my mind. I would always be in the same position I was at Abbey's house, staring up at the ceiling with the words dancing around the room. I started to think I was going crazy, on the verge of obsession with this girl. Maybe I was just overcome with sexual frustration and was taking it out on her.

After taking a few seconds to get some things done of a different nature, I realized that wasn't it. Laying there with my chest heaving and my body sprawled out on my bed, all I could think about was her. It was just weird because by society's standards, I should be attracted to the bimbos or the goth girls, the ones that fit in with me. I guess I was never into society's standards.

We could blame it all on society, but we are society.

After deciding no amount of rubbing it out or listening to music could get this attraction to go away, I decided it's a better idea to do something about it rather than sit in my room and cry about it. I could have written her a cheesy love poem, grown out my hair to my shoulder blades, worn a white shirt half unbuttoned and scooped up a swooning Abbey like in those romance novels... that I totally didn't read.

Abbey liked when things were cut, dry and neat, so the scariest option was left. A verbal proposition.

_What if I've been trying to get to where I've always been?_

_What if we've been trying to get to where we've always been?_

_Simple math, believe me, all is brilliant_

_What if we've been trying to kill the noise and silence?_


End file.
